Time Out

I have talked about not having enough time many times here on this blog.  For the last few months, it seems that time is a whirlwind, going by too fast, with too many things to do, and not enough time to get it all done.  I’m a very organized person, so I know how to keep track of my time. 

But do I, really? 

I have several friends who never seem as crazed as I feel.  One friend even commented that I’m the busiest person she knows.  I find this very interesting considering she comes from a big family, many of whom have kids.  I often think how I don’t know what I’d do if I did have them, seeing as I barely have time now.  (Of course I realize that having kids would change everything, including my time and how I spend it.)  I’m often jealous of friends and family members who aren’t as busy.  How do they manage to have time to just relax?  And what exactly am I doing with my time that makes me so damned busy?

That is really the question: what am I doing with my time.

I looked—really looked—at my planner to see where my time is going.  Minus the things I cannot change (work, sleep, meals, commuting, etc.), I commit to a lot, not just appointments and plans with friends and family, but also with my ever growing to do list.  I have a lot of hobbies and projects that I want to work on and complete, so they take up a lot of my time.  And recently I’ve been so busy with other commitments (plans with friends and family and appointments and events) that even the projects aren’t getting done.  And it always seems to happen that way—everything converges at the same time.  Nothing stays on an even keel for long.

Perhaps the reason for all of my tasks lately is due to the fact that I have designated this year the year to getting things done, all of those little things I didn’t want to tackle in the past.  I decided enough was enough and I had to work on at least some of them.  But one task leads to another, which creates a new task, a task that needs to be done before I can continue (or start) on the other, etc., etc.  It’s a never-ending cycle.  While I have completed some big tasks by breaking them down into smaller tasks, there’s still more to do, more to think about, more to plan for.

A quick peek into my planner since the start of the year will tell you how much I have going on.  I don’t include weekdays in this round up since those days are designated for work, meal prep, etc., though sometimes we will have plans during the week, as much as I try to avoid that. 

So here we have a breakdown of weekends:

January 6 – work

January 12 – work, dinner with family

January 19 – trip to Tampa

January 26 – dinner/game night with friends

February 2 – free weekend

February 9 – planned to work but got a free weekend due to a blizzard

February 16 – work

February 23 – day in New York City, though technically this is a work day since it’s a library trip

March 2 – work

March 9 – “free” weekend due to being sick (blech)

March 16 – family obligation

March 23 – hosted a 31 Gifts party and work

March 30 – Easter weekend, family dinner

April 6 – free weekend

April 13 – work

April 20 – concert

April 27 – attended a 31 gifts party, work

May 4 – trip to New York City, but again, technically work

May 11 – work, Mother’s Day brunch

May 19 – work

May 26 – Wow!  A *free* 3-day weekend!

June 1 – wedding reception

June 8 – away for the weekend (and this was jam-packed too, running from place to place)

June 15 – New York City Philofaxy Meet Up

June 22 – work, graduation party

So, in total, since the beginning of the year, only five completely free weekends, two of which weren’t supposed to be (blizzard weekend and sick weekend).  I’m not complaining about any of these events, but the point is, you can see how much I do in a month, in 6 months. Man—I work a lot of weekends!  True, I get days off during the week for weekend work days (most of the time) but much of that make-up time is spent grocery shopping or cleaning; you know, fun stuff.

One could argue that weekends that I don’t work—regardless of what I do do—are free, I just choose to do something other than relaxing.  And this is true.  But some things I can’t avoid for some reason or another; well, I could, but it would cause more aggravation than just doing it in the first place.  And I am the type to shut up and do things to save myself aggravation even if it hurts me in the end—I’d rather take the fall than leave someone else high and dry.  And although I don’t mind working weekends, working so many of them is a lot of stress since I end up adding other events on top of those weekend workdays, where I won’t during the week.  And when I don’t have extra time at home on the weekends, I don’t get the extra tasks done.  And when tasks pile up without my getting to work on them, the stress adds up.  I shouldn’t say stress really—it’s more like the tasks and to do lists float around in my head, chewing away at any mental serenity I would otherwise have.  Yes, I do write these tasks down, sometimes on more than one list since they’re all organized in different ways.  This usually helps.  But when the list grows and my time shrinks, that doesn’t even help.  So, yeah, okay, maybe “stress” is the appropriate word here.  I think my husband would agree to that choice of word.

During all of this craziness, I have come across several articles dealing with time management and the like.  It’s helped me to put things into perspective a little.  (Getting some of my tasks done has helped even more.)  And now that things are starting to slow down a little, I’m on a mission to keep the events and tasks under control as much as possible.

First and foremost, I have got to learn to say no to people.  This is probably my biggest problem.  I’m too focused on the possibility of letting people down or hurting their feelings by not doing something with or for them.  But the reality is that most people don’t see it that way.  I know this about myself: when faced with an issue with someone else, I focus too much on my relationship with that person, rather than focusing on the issue alone.  It’s not so much that I want to do whatever they’re asking me to do, but worrying too much that they’ll be mad at or disappointed in me if I don’t.  This is unrealistic—most people won’t be mad or disappointed.  They’ll simply find another way, another day, another avenue.  I have to stop hurting myself in order to please others because that’s really what’s happening.  I commit to too much without really thinking it through, without looking at how it will affect me.  I’m not a selfish person.  I always put others’ needs before my own.  But in this case, it’s not good because most people wouldn’t do the same for me.  I’m not asking that they do, but I have learned that people will take advantage of the fact that this is how I am, maybe without even realizing that they’re doing it.  I need to learn to be selfish when it comes to how I spend my time.

A recent article by Lifehack really put things into perspective:

• When you say yes to something you don’t like, you’re saying no to something you love.
• Know the implications of saying yes.
• Realize that saying no is okay.
• Delay your response.

I often say yes to things simply because I have nothing else planned.  But I need to accept that doing nothing, and saying no in order to that, is okay.  So going forward, I plan to delay responses to just about everything so that I can really see what the implications are if I say yes.  Hopefully this will cut down on agreeing to do things I don’t really want to do.  I’m also going to try and not plan so far ahead.  Keep it light and simple where my plans are concerned.

I need to be more realistic about what I can accomplish in a day or a weekend.  My to do list should be a point of reference, a reminder of what I would like to get done, not a locked-in list of things that should be done.  Another article by Lifehack states both the plusses and minuses of a to do list.  I definitely need one (or two or three) to keep me organized.  But I just can’t use them as a bible to my life. 

I also need to be realistic about how many tasks I can get done in a day.  Usually I keep a list for days I have time and hope to get to it all.  Sometimes I good with not getting to it all, but other times I hate that I can’t.  I don’t think I take into account how long each task will take.  Time Management Ninja has a great guideline for not overthinking your productivity.  There needs to be a balance of what you want to accomplish and what you can let go, if only for the time being.

Finally, I need to focus on what is really important to me.  Yes, some tasks are important, but relaxing should be also, if only because I want to be able to do that.  You can organize your day and your time into blocks of tasks in order to ultimately find more time overall.  I find the best way to get to a little bit everything each day is to focus on each task for only a short period of time.  This is sometimes frustrating, but in the end, it works the best for me.

I need to stop making things so complicated.  If I have one thing scheduled for a day, I need to leave it at that.  If I find time to do something else, great.  If not, that’s okay too.  I’m an Organizing Junkie has a great post on how to stop complicating our lives.  Likewise, Zen Habits has a list on how to make our lives simpler.  And Becoming Minimalist offers tips on how to become unbusy.

Overall, the points are clear to me:

• I need to find and focus on what’s important to me.
• I need to learn to say no.
• I need to keep it simple. 

All of this I will try to do going forward in order to save my own sanity (and by association, my husband’s).  I am going to take the next week to decompress, not do anything on my to do list, and just relax.  After that, I will start anew, with a different focus in mind.