Swimming Against the Current

Source

Lately I feel like I’m under water, like I’m swimming against the current.  I try and try to hold on just a little longer, waiting until the tide changes.  But it seems like I’m in perpetual motion, staying in the same place, seeing the same scenery.

There’s so much going on right now, both at work and at home.  This is good—I love being busy.  But it’s been too busy.  There’s no time to breathe, let alone relax.  Yes, I need to schedule some relaxation time in, but there’s no time.  And that’s the crux of the issue, the catch-22.

I have so many projects that I’m working on at home, all started and in the middle of.  I also have a ton of things scheduled, both by choice and by obligation.  But because of those things, I can’t address the projects that are half done and it’s driving me crazy, keeping my mind a spinning hamster wheel with no way to get off.  With a ton of things started and nothing complete, I feel just swamped and discombobulated, which, for someone with many OCD tendencies, is enough to turn the world upside down and inside out.

I have a ton of lists going, which helps.  And while I’m focusing on what I can accomplish, pieces at a time, one day at a time, I’m also trying to keep my eye on the big picture, keep my third eye on the time when things will slow down (mid-July for those of you keeping track).

Memorial Day weekend (next weekend and my favorite weekend of the entire year), I have nothing planned.  I’m trying very hard to keep it this way.  What this means is not that I won’t do anything, but that I will decide once I get there.  If I accept invitations now, it will end up like every other weekend I’ve had and will have between April and July.  And I don’t want that.  Next weekend will be my mini-retreat until I can get to my real vacation in a few months’ time.  Tomorrow I’m taking the time to smell the roses, literally (well, not the roses—it’s too early for them—but the lilacs).

My biggest problem is that I’m not devoting enough time for sleep.  I get up early and stay up late to work on some of these tasks (or, okay, mess around on the iPad).  I’ve not exercised regularly in months.  I try to get up by 5:30 in order to get something in, but I’m so tired from staying up so late the night before that I cannot.  I rip myself out of bed and drag myself down to the coffee pot.  And because I’m so tired, I drink even more coffee later on to get me through the day.  If I have it too late in the day, I’m not tired when 10 pm rolls around and I start on something new, which makes me go to bed later than I should.  It’s a cycle that my schedule won’t let me break (or, okay, that I’m just having a hard time breaking).  It’s true that I waste more time than I should browsing the Internet and reading blogs.  But currently, that is my way of relaxing.

What am I working on?  Let’s see:

• Getting new bookshelves, donating old books, and reorganizing my shelves
• Organizing my HUGE picture project – putting pictures into frames, putting some into albums, and storing the rest in boxes
• Organizing my walk-in closet (which holds an array of items, none of which is clothes except what needs to be ironed)
• Organizing my bag collection
• Creating a Reference binder, something I’ve been meaning to do for a few years and have mentioned several times
• Finally, after 7 years of being in this house, getting some gardening and planting done
• Organizing our downstairs coat closet
• Reworking the office and work space once we get a new computer
• Finishing off those little things that we keep putting off, like replacing the kitchen light fixture that randomly fell down a couple of Christmases ago

This year is the year of finishing unfinished projects.  I’ve been going at my list like gangbusters, but when you have only a little time to work on it, it gets frustrating.  (I will be blogging about all of these little projects in the future, as they are finished.)

I’m finding that my days are a delicate balance of doing what needs to be done and attempting to address the things I want to get done.  What that equates to is a little bit of this, a little bit of that; three steps forward and two steps back; chipping away at my to do list until I’ve made a huge dent.  Eventually I’ll get there.  I just need a kickboard and to maintain my speed while taking my time until then.

And breathe.  Always breathing.