Music for Memories

If you’ve been following my blog for a while, you know that my dad passed away and that it has had a great impact on me.  This summer marks the fifth anniversary of his death.  As a family, we did not mark the occasion with any discussion.  We just let it roll on by, though I’m sure each of us spoke to him in our own way.

Although he fought his illness for twelve years, when the time finally came where we knew his death would arrive sooner than later, we were all stunned by that realization.  Parksinson’s Disease takes many forms, and like many other diseases, how it runs its course varies from patient to patient.  We never really knew how it would end, only how it could end, and there were many possibilities.

Still, somehow, even before he rounded his last corner with the disease, since his diagnosis, I knew what song I would turn to when the end eventually came.

It’s amazing how a song can mean so much to someone, how one’s experience can prompt that person to put into words what they are feeling, add music to it, and put it out there for others to hear.  And when others can turn to that song to get in touch with the exact same feelings as the other, well, it makes you feel not quite as alone.

When I first heard this song (the last track on an album I bought for a different song), I knew it would always be a reminder of my father after he was gone.  It made me cry right from the first listen, and the summer he died, it was all I listened to.  Some may say that that’s torture, listening to a song that only makes you feel worse.  But for me, I have to feel any feelings I am having.  I am not one to push them away.  How I get through them is to really feel them, to get in touch with them, to experience the hurt or excitement or fear, whatever the emotion is.  And now, when the time of the year comes to remember my father’s death, it’s the song I turn to, to remember that time and those deep emotions.

So while this post isn’t an official homage to my father and his death, putting it out there is my way of recognizing that five years have passed, that with his death, my life has been forever changed.  I have come to a place where I can remember the good times and smile, but I also need to remember the worst of it all too.

They gave you a corner room on the fifth floor

The city lights were like candy to a kid in a store
Like a king you'd lay in your bed so statefully
So thankful they gave you a room with scenery

You always were so healthy, so full of life
So seeing you so helpless just didn't seem right
And how you kept your head so high I'll never know
I guess you knew you had a better place to go
Now...

You've got a room with a view
A window to the world
You always had your sights set high
And now that you're gone
Your memory lives on
And I see you smiling in my mind
With angels as visitors dropping by
Your room with a view

I'll always miss you
I'll always feel the loss
I have to remind myself that you're better off
I gotta believe even through these tears of mine
Wherever you are there's a sun that always shines
And...

You've got a room with a view
A window to the world
You always had your sights set high
And now that you're gone
Your memory lives on
And I see you smiling in my mind
With angels as visitors dropping by
Your room with a view

With angels as visitors dropping by
Your room with a view

-  Room with a View by Carolyn Dawn Johnson (the song title links to YouTube)