Malden on Location: A Tale of Woe

A note on the following post:

This is the first in a new series I will be doing—Filo on Location. This idea sprang in full force from Steve’s Philofaxy post. I kind of took this idea and ran with it. I might have gone a little overboard here, but I had so much fun doing it. My husband helped with providing some of the story line (he may not understand my obsession, but he sure does support it in small—big—ways!). I’m sure some of you will understand my enthusiasm and may have even done your own little story as well. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this “Tale of Woe.” It’s a sneak peek into what my weekend involved…

There once was a Filo named Malden. He was a grand Filo—full of buffalo beauty, unmatched smarts, and a life full of wit and humor. He spent many of his days in the same way—filled with routines and planning and organization. Although he loved his life as a daily planner, he decided he needed something new—an adventure he would not soon forget.

His new plan? He would take a trip up north. So he hopped a ferry, crossed the Long Island Sound and headed for New England. But where in New England should he go? “Hmm,” he thought. “I’ve been to Connecticut. I’ve been to Massachusetts, Vermont and New Hampshire. Maine is just too far for a weekend trip. That leaves Rhode Island! But where in Rhode Island will I find adventure?”

The answer soon became clear—Newport! Oh, Malden was a happy Filo, and he couldn’t wait to begin his adventure.

He checked into a motel. After the trip though, he was also a tired Filo. So he decided to take a little rest before his big night out on the town. Into bed went Malden. He closed his eyes and fell into a restful sleep.

Then it was time to get up and prepare for the night ahead. After the trip and the rest, he decided he should freshen up and rejuvenate his senses. Oops! He doesn’t want to show too much of his bare self. There! A towel will cover all the unmentionable parts.

So how does a Filo enjoy a night out on the town, you ask. With a glass of wine, of course! The problem was, Malden didn’t know when to stop. As the Joe Nicholssong says, the more you drink, the more clothes you lose. Soon, Malden had a bit too much to drink and ended up on the floor of the bar. He was swiftly kicked out.

He tried getting back to the hotel in a respectable manner. But succeed he did not. He tripped and fell all over himself, not to mention others. Eventually—and sadly—he was picked up the local police and thrown into jail for drunk and disorderly conduct. He pleaded and begged to be released. But the Newport police were having none of it. After listening to Malden whine and whine endlessly, they finally did what they had to do…

They put him in solitary confinement.

Let this be a lesson to all those Filos who seek a more exciting life away from being well-planned: Your good intentions will only betray you in the end.

I hope you have enjoyed this tale of woe. Thankfully, Malden was eventually released on a pretty hefty bail. He will serve time doing community service, making peace with inserts that are not from his own family…


  1. Bahahahaha! This is AMAZING! You put so much effort into this- good job!

    Hmmmmm, now the wheels are turning :)

  2. Oh I loved this! Naughty, naughty Malden. I hope he has learned his lesson now. I made my Malden read this as well. Let this be a lesson for Filofaxes everywhere! Planning and alcohol do not mix. Hahaha.

  3. Excellent, and very well photographed, top marks for the way you thought it up and put it all together. Big thank you to DH for helping out too..

    Out of interest what car is that you are in? Sorry I'm a typical bloke always interested in that sort of thing!!

    I hope more people take up the challenge!!

  4. Hilarious! Thanks for all the work that went into this, it was quite fun to read.

  5. Thank you all for your kind words. I'm so glad you all enjoyed it. I had so much fun taking the pictures and coming up with the storyline.

    J - I can't wait to see what you come up with!

    CP - Yes, all Maldens should read this as a lesson, especially NEW Maldens. ;)

    Steve - My poor Filo was in JAIL and you want to know what car I drive??? Lol - just kidding, of course. We have a Honda CRV -
    Love this car!

    Millie & Plaiditude - I hope to do more posts like this one. Not only to take pictures of my Filo on location, but to add a lovely story to it as well.

  6. Ah yes we have the CR-V here in Europe as well. I've just started a post about my new car for my own blog... got side tracked with a photography post instead though!

    Oh and I'm sure the bail on your Malden wasn't too expensive!

  7. Steve - just about as much as Malden himself cost! ;)

  8. Hilarious! I especially like his modesty shot with the towel and his loosening his clasp over the wine glass.

    Your posts make me want to get a black Malden brother to hang with a crimson sister. Or ia it cousin?

    Regardless, with this post it's official--I have totally lost my mind re: Filofaxes. Glad it happened here.

    Thank you, again, for the lovely story and pictures!

  9. How did I miss this yesterday? What a dork. Brilliant and hilarious post. Pictures perfect!
    Great job!!!!!
    Filofaxes Gone Wild...

  10. Thanks Sandra & Rori!

    Sandra - yes, Malden realized (a little too late) that he was being photographed and so had to cover up. He's a little shy that way. ;)

    Rori - We could start a whole series of Filofaxes Gone Wild. Maybe they will hit DVD!

  11. This is hilarious!!! Sheer genius and a lasting tale of Filofax woe for sure!! LOL!


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