Malden on Location: A Tale of Woe

A note on the following post:

This is the first in a new series I will be doing—Filo on Location. This idea sprang in full force from Steve’s Philofaxy post. I kind of took this idea and ran with it. I might have gone a little overboard here, but I had so much fun doing it. My husband helped with providing some of the story line (he may not understand my obsession, but he sure does support it in small—big—ways!). I’m sure some of you will understand my enthusiasm and may have even done your own little story as well. So sit back, relax, and enjoy this “Tale of Woe.” It’s a sneak peek into what my weekend involved…

There once was a Filo named Malden. He was a grand Filo—full of buffalo beauty, unmatched smarts, and a life full of wit and humor. He spent many of his days in the same way—filled with routines and planning and organization. Although he loved his life as a daily planner, he decided he needed something new—an adventure he would not soon forget.

His new plan? He would take a trip up north. So he hopped a ferry, crossed the Long Island Sound and headed for New England. But where in New England should he go? “Hmm,” he thought. “I’ve been to Connecticut. I’ve been to Massachusetts, Vermont and New Hampshire. Maine is just too far for a weekend trip. That leaves Rhode Island! But where in Rhode Island will I find adventure?”

The answer soon became clear—Newport! Oh, Malden was a happy Filo, and he couldn’t wait to begin his adventure.

He checked into a motel. After the trip though, he was also a tired Filo. So he decided to take a little rest before his big night out on the town. Into bed went Malden. He closed his eyes and fell into a restful sleep.

Then it was time to get up and prepare for the night ahead. After the trip and the rest, he decided he should freshen up and rejuvenate his senses. Oops! He doesn’t want to show too much of his bare self. There! A towel will cover all the unmentionable parts.

So how does a Filo enjoy a night out on the town, you ask. With a glass of wine, of course! The problem was, Malden didn’t know when to stop. As the Joe Nichols’ song says, the more you drink, the more clothes you lose. Soon, Malden had a bit too much to drink and ended up on the floor of the bar. He was swiftly kicked out.

He tried getting back to the hotel in a respectable manner. But succeed he did not. He tripped and fell all over himself, not to mention others. Eventually—and sadly—he was picked up the local police and thrown into jail for drunk and disorderly conduct. He pleaded and begged to be released. But the Newport police were having none of it. After listening to Malden whine and whine endlessly, they finally did what they had to do…

They put him in solitary confinement.

Let this be a lesson to all those Filos who seek a more exciting life away from being well-planned: Your good intentions will only betray you in the end.

I hope you have enjoyed this tale of woe. Thankfully, Malden was eventually released on a pretty hefty bail. He will serve time doing community service, making peace with inserts that are not from his own family…